Not to be overly dramatic or anything, but on the radio this afternoon I heard what is probably the most disturbing statement of the summer. “I would rather spend $50,000 on a wedding dress than a car” said some random chick who is clearly way too desperate to get married and has her priorities in all the wrong places. Now, I realize this begs the question as to what the hell I was listening to (CBC radio, obviously – what else do I listen to??), but it really should beg a different question – what is WRONG with these people??
Seriously? What the F*CK am I going to do with this?? That thing wouldn't last ten seconds at 120 km/hr - my van is worth 1% of the price and is 100x more useful.
A quick list of things you will probably do with a $50,000 wedding dress:
- Wear it once
- Look at it
- Stick it in your closet
- Tell your friends and family you bought a $50,000 wedding dress, and then be mercilessly torn to shreds because your wedding didn’t have an open bar
A quick list of $50,000 cars which are way better than the abovementioned dress:
- Ford Mustang, no, I’m just kidding, if you’re going to buy one of these, just get the dress instead
- BMW 135i
- and yes, even a Honda Fit
That is just a very quickly brainstormed list – I could find dozens. If you have more to add, please do so! Now, for those of you still thinking about buying the dress, call me, and I will dispose of your $50,000 more wisely.
That looks pretty wise to me...
Date: July 21st, 2010
Location: Experimental Farm, Ottawa, Ontario
Event: The No-Frills Ten Miler (For those using Canadian notation, that would be 16 k)
No Really, What’s the Event: The Showdown: ROUND 4
After a shellacking at the July Beaver Chase, which followed the close finish in the 10 k Canada Day Road Race, Brad was bruised, battered, and above all ready for some revenge. Enter the No-Frills Ten Miler, advertised at the Beaver Chase, and taken up after a few mini-pitchers of Rickards Red and some trash talk at the local watering hole.
The stage was set for an ultimate match up: not the dream ‘marathon’ that Brad was gunning for, and not the fun 10-15 k trail run which Kieran had envisioned. This meant only one thing – nobody was going to have a good time.
The Showdown was set for 6.30, Brad prepared by making sure Kieran had no idea where the heck it would start, and Kieran prepared by eating a couple of pita’s with peanut butter and honey while completely underestimating the time it takes to get to the Experimental Farm from Hunt Clun Rd. Can you see where this is headed?
(we will now convert to clock time)
-4:00 – Kieran screeches around the Experimental Farm desperately looking for something involving a run – cones, a big banner, people wearing running shoes, damn, why did this have to be a NO FRILLS (which means that the entry fee is low, as are the amenities and advertising) race!
-2:00 – Kieran finally spots a startline-esque spot, and then finds the correct parking lot. And then realizes that he can’t get into said lot.
-1:30 – Kieran pulls into another lot, rips off his shorts and sandals, jumps into his shoes and running shorts, grabs his keys and entry fee, and hits the ground running.
-1:00 – Why are there so many fences in the Experimental Farm?
0:00 – Kieran rounds a corner, sees the start line and Judi asking him what the heck is going on.
0:30 – Hands off keys and $20, joins the large pack as it heads out, and Kieran realizes that although his warm-up may have been non-traditional, he definitely started the race with an elevated heart rate. That’s what the coach always recommends, right?
1:30 – Brad and Aaron (Hey! He makes another appearance! The guy is practically a regular on this blog!) cruise up alongside uttering witty comments such as “nice to see you made it!” and “damn, I guess you figured out how to get here after all, now I don’t feel so bad about not giving you directions”. Kieran, still reeling from his warm-up, decides to let them forge on ahead alone.
