Saturday, July 17, 2010

The Response

With The Showdown over, and all the naysayers proven wrong – that’s why I created the poll – one would suspect that things in the ‘running’ department would have cooled off between Brad and Kieran, aside from the continuous gloating on the ego-manic Kieran side.
This assumption would be dead wrong. In fact, Kieran and Brad have been at loggerheads since the victory in The Showdown (if Brad was writing this blog victory would be written as such - “victory” note the quotation marks). As many have observed, Brad (yes, Neil, it is in fact Brad – anonymous or misrepresenting commenting has not become all the rage on this blog yet – check FasterSkier for that kind of community) has thrown down the gauntlet, admitted defeat in the short distance, and plugged for a rematch on none other than the grand-daddy of road races – The Marathon.

In my opinion, this is not a fair fight. I draw you to the work comparison. I don’t expect to get paid the same amount per hour as a person in the same field who is 30 years my senior. That individual has accumulated a wealth of information that can only be gained by experience over time, and therefore the corresponding hourly rate should be much higher than some 22 year old kid who just walked in off the street.

Equate this to running a marathon – Brad has ran countless marathons (actually, 25 Ottawa Marathons alone – he has a bunch of others on his resume as well). He has a wealth of information regarding courses, pacing, feeds, and every other thing you need to know for running a marathon that I could not have hoped to accrue in my time on earth. Kieran running the marathon would be similar to a Juvenile Boy stepping on the start line of the 50 k at the Winter Olympics. The kid could ski, not as well as Northug, Kershaw and Hellner in the technical sense, but the motions would be similar. But he’s never raced 50 k in his life, and probably hasn’t even skied 50 km in one stretch. He hasn’t had the multiple years to build up the aerobic and muscular base to compete. It would be a slaughter.

However, because I don’t want to seem like a wimp on my own blog, I have a counter proposal.

I will not run The Marathon, and definitely not the Ottawa Marathon against Brad. The cards are simply too stacked in his favour, and I have an old football injury which is aggravated by running on pavement (wahhh, wahhh, I know). However, I will make the challenge that I will run any trail run of Brad’s choosing between the distances of 10 and 40 km. If it is in the woods, bear free, and involves mud, Kieran will be there. Count on it.

Friday, July 16, 2010

The Showdown: The Series

With The Showdown over, but receiving rave reviews all over the interweb, I have decided to expand it to a series. Each race which Kieran and Brad participate in this summer/ever will be recorded and tallied. The race reports will vary in quality, but the results will be announced, as will upcoming events. If you wish to organize a cameo appearence, please stay abreast of the happenings, and feel free to let me know when you're in town for a race.

Last Tuesday was the second Beaver Chase Road Race in Kanata attended by both Brad and Kieran. Brad had taken the W the first race by a mere handful of seconds, but was handicapped this time around by his duties as start line marshal, and Kieran’s new found confidence.
After yelling go and punching the start button on the clock, Brad got underway, which unfortunately for him meant Kieran had already staked a significant lead, and despite making a brutal error in assuming that legs which feel good after 1 km mean you are now Steve Prefontaine and can run with the leaders, Kieran was able to hold the lead and post a PB well ahead of Brad.
The Showdown: The Series – Kieran 2, Brad – 1.
Next up in The Showdown: The Series – The No Frills Ten-Miler, next Wednesday, where Brad tests his endurance against Kieran’s confusing new-found running ability. The line is Brad at 3:1 and Kieran at 5:1. The line for Kieran to write an entertaining (in his own opinion) blog piece - 1:1.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Notes For The Last Few Weeks

I have not been blogging furiously due to a few circumstances, most notably being locked in a cage during the G20 protests. Luckily I avoided a police beat down as well as getting lit on fire by some dudes in black clothes (I think they were Death Eaters). I also blame my boss, Nat Herz, for taking up all my time by reporting on Petter Northug and Marcus Hellner in Las Vegas, and then demanding high quality in my writing. Damn you, Nat, for making my work as good as it is!!

Regardless, I have a few notes from my life. Nothing crazy, just things you notice sometimes.

- Breaking and entering with a full suit (shirt, shoes, tie, jacket, etc.) is possible, but keeping the aforementioned suit clean is tricky

- Having a bouldering wall in your backyard, even if it’s
only rated for 13 years of age and 105 pounds maximum is AWESOME

- A toonie sized hole in the exhaust pipe of your car does not make it sound cooler. It only makes you look like a huge tool at stoplights. Especially when you drive a minivan.

- Buy your beer in Quebec – 3 12 packs of above-average quality beer (Keiths, Sleeman Silver Creek, Sol) cost me just $56, or about 2/3rd’s of what it would cost in Onterrible

- Putting your bread in a plastic bag desgined with holes to drain and store veggies during a heat wave is a good way to grow mold in a hurry

- When someone says they’re going to pick you up at a certain time, it’s generally a good idea to be out of bed before they arrive in your driveway

- When someone gives you a fistbump randomly in downtown Ottawa, you should probably just go with it

- Deep water free solo climbing after not climbing at all for 3 months is generally more difficult than you remembered it being

- CBC Radio 2 is far, far better than one would suspect

- After you beat your greatest nemesis in a road running race, it does not mean you can automatically run the next road race you enter with the leaders

- While answering the door wearing only your boxers at 2 PM would be frowned upon most times, such conventions should be waived during heat waves

- Watching a dog attempt to catch a squirrel in a tree 10 meters above the dogs head may be one of the most entertaining things in the world

- Root beer is making a comeback – you heard it here first

- If you’re playing Monopoly, even NHL Monopoly, when you start shooting for second place after 4 trips around the board, you know its going to be a tough night

- Nerf Guns are in fact just as awesome at 22 years old

- When wearing funky hats, make sure you forget you’re wearing them as soon as possible. It’s much more entertaining for the person you’re talking to

- Dudes wearing parachutes in road races are NOT appreciated by race organizers

Again, not comprehensive by any means, but simply some quick hits. Some may spawn full blog posts, some may confuse you, some you may find utterly idiotic. Unfortunately for you, this blog is not a democracy, so suck it.

Monday, July 12, 2010

And It's Official....

For those in tune to the world of skiing, Kieran now thinks he's pretty awesome.
For those who are not, Kieran is just writing on some lame-ass fringe sport followed by a few wierdo's who no one in their right mind would be associated with.
But in the words of the immortal Nat Herz: "look who's a huge baller now!"
If you're still confused, check out:,1223.html