Saturday, May 22, 2010


If you're afraid of terrorists while flying, consider taking a bomb. What are the odds of two people on the same plane both having a bomb? Pretty slim, right there.
All ski related articles have now been linked from the World Cup Review page. Take THAT Facebook!

Friday, May 21, 2010


So as some of you are aware, I have recently become an intern. As I do not enjoy the commute from Ottawa to Williamstown, MA, where is headquartered, I have decided to work from home. This is my desk!

And yes, it is installed in my parents living room. Thanks Mom and Dad!

A slight problem...

After creating this blog, it has come to my attention that blogs are an interesting thing to manage. This blog was created for a few reasons, such as my interest in writing, the belief that I can occasionally write something entertaining, and my desperate need for attention. And it is this last one that creates the problem.

You take the time to write and post, so obviously you want someone to read. Advertising for a personal blog is a fickle thing. You feel like a bit of a tool telling people to go to your blog, especially if it has your name in the URL, but at the same time, if you just sit back and wait for people to come, they never will.
So you try other methods; posting as your website on Facebook, for example. People randomly tour by your Facebook page, either to drop a wall post, or for more nefarious purposes (check out pictures of you and Jon Montgomery from the Olympics, peruse your Graffiti wall for pictures of penguins riding giraffes, that sort of thing), and end up clicking on the link to your site. And now they feel like they have just taken creeping to a new level. They are on your personal blog, and while it says you can leave comments, they feel like paying that much attention when not told about something is creepy. And so they read, and then quietly leave.
But you're still sitting at your computer, randomly typing notes, adding pictures, and wondering whether anybody actually reads your blog, because you have posted a few things and have received few comments, if any.
So to sum up: if you go out and tell people about your blog, you feel like a tool. If you post it and people randomly stumble onto it, they feel like a tool.
End result: it's like two guys are alone in a basketball gym; the blogger has a blindfold on, and the reader isn't allowed to talk unless 5 other guys show up and start talking. The blogger walks around aimlessly until eventually he'll sit down, give up, and fall asleep.

For those who think this is me, you're wrong. Analytics is awesome

Weekly Olympic Photoz

This week's photo is from a trip to the luge track. It was crazy, what with sleds going really fast, lots of people, and a general lack of understanding of the sport.

The important thing to note here is not the luger with the sick green sled, although she could be quite cool. Nope, its the huge be-otch hanging out in the background next to the dude with the camera. See her?

There she is again, skulking behind a Canadian luger this time, who is hamming it up for the crowd. The luger and every single other person is loving life right here; it's the Olympics, it's Vancouver, get caught up in the moment! There are luge fans who would cut off their left leg and feed it to their fish for the opportunity to stand this close to the luge track! But not this chick, no, no.

Here she is again! She is obviously taking her job of holding the cord for that guys camera really seriously. Someone must have done something absolutely awful to her cornflakes this morning to make her that pissed off. I would honestly like to meet this girl, and present her with an award for being officially the grouchiest person in Whistler. What a bitch!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Mustang Sally... Or Not

So on my way home tonight in the car, I heard an advertisement for a new Ford Mustang GT. For those of you who don't know this car, it looks like this.

Allright, so now you're thinking "not bad, looks allright, pretty aggressive, I see where Kieran is going with this, he likes cars." WRONG.
The Ford Mustang is driven only by douchebags, tools and white trash. Why? Well for a few key reasons:
- it costs $32,000 CDN. Any car that touts itself as a performance two-door sports car for that price off the showroom floor means that some corners had to be cut.
- speaking of corners, the Mustang will not be doing any. It handles like a brick, and you'll hope that Ford didn't lay off the air bag installer boys when you hit a tree on the edge of that curve at 150 km/hr.
- You are the butt of every real car lovers jokes, as well as just about everyone else.

The Ford Mustang is the car equivalent of the tuxedo t-shirt.

It's awesome to wear it as a joke, you get some good laughs, it starts conversations. But you wouldn't want to show up to work every day in it, or even wear it around on a nice sunny day. It's black, that shit will heat right up and you'll be sweating.
But back to the Mustang. Do you want to be one of these guys??

Correct answer: No, you do not.

So, don't buy a Mustang. Buy a Volkswagen instead. They are made mostly by Germans. Sure, they started both World Wars, but when they make a car as dirty as the VW Golf GTI, I'm in a forgiving mood. Also, that was over 50 years ago, let it go already. Especially you, France.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Tintin Racist!

I am listening to Q on CBC radio, and some guy from Brussels, Belgium (the birthplace of Tintin) is irate that the book 'Tintin in the Congo' is racist. I own the book. It's the very first Tintin book written, it is incredibly difficult to get a hold of, but it is without a doubt VERY racist.

But let's take a quick look at when it was written/published - 1930. 1930! That was before WWII, before every single country in the world refused to accept Jewish refugees from Nazi Germany, before desegregation in the US, you get the point. Sometimes old things are racist - let's just enjoy Tintin for what he is. A rad journalist with a sick dog named Snowy, and a drunk-ass friend who thinks he's a sailor. Captain Haddock, you are the man!

Finally, Aaron Barter and myself spent the better part of our childhood reading everything Tintin, and we haven't become raging racists - at least not yet.

Shit yeah!
How many Tintin characters can you name in this picture??


Last night was the R. Tait Mckenzie Awards dinner, which is like the Stanley Cup for high school students in Almonte who don't suck at life. Now, I may no longer be in high school, but I chose to attend for a couple of reasons:
1. Perianne Jones was the guest speaker - you really don't want to miss one of those speaking engagements.
2. Alison Aldred was nominated. For those who know the Aldreds, she is the little sister of both Luke and Rachel, and is a hybrid Aldred, and we're not talking the shitty Toyota that celebrities buy to make them feel better about destroying the environment. She is really tall like Luke, and a girl like Rachel, so she is obviously related.

After a few hours of speeching, some unnecessary, some very unnecessary, some edited by Kieran, we finally arrived at the culmination if the evenings activities - the handing out of the award. Which involves some congratulations, some medal or something, and 1200$ towards your post-secondary education. Not too shabby.
To cut a long story short - Alison won, which was pretty awesome. Congratulations Alison!

But that wasn't the real reason for this post. The real reason was that while standing around at the Civitan Hall in Almonte chit-chatting after the award was handed out, I noticed something a little odd. I was not carrying a camera, but this is basically what it looks like:

Basically they were attached to the wall in exactly that way. I was a little confused - is it implied that you need to sanitize your hands before defibrillation? Or maybe AFTER you defibrillate someone, its a good idea to use hand sanitizer? Or a third option - maybe you need to sanitize the guy you are ABOUT to defibrillate? I thought defibrillation was a highly time-sensitize activity, and the addition of this hand sanitizing station makes it unnecessarily complex in my mind. If you need to use a defibrillator in the Civitan Hall, I think making sure your hands are germ-free is should not really be an issue...

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Whoop Whoop!

Kieran has been published on something other than his own personal blog! Sure, I only get a small credit at the bottom, but I really didn't do much for this interview, just some editing and a little structure. If you want to take the time to read it, go ahead right here. It's with Andy Newell, an American cross country sprinter, so it's interesting if you're into skiing, if not, he's also pretty sexy and there's a big picture for you to look at.

Monday, May 17, 2010


There is literally nothing in this world that I hate more than people who think their pets are children. Poverty, war, Nazi's, taking Distance Education courses, road biking, hipsters, are all far far better than people who dress up their pets, talk to their pets in baby talk, or set aside separate rooms, RESPs, and give their pets haircuts that are more complex than getting three beers deep and going to town with a pair of kitchen scissors.
Thank you.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The Day Kieran's Brain Exploded

Myself, Sean Kershaw and Aaron Barter at the Olympics.

When you go to the Olympics, there are a few things you have to take advantage of. This picture is a combination of the best things in life. An awesome day, a couple of beers, some enthusiastic friends, and a whole pile of Olympic sprint racing. Not to brag or anything, but I would say this was in fact the best day of my life to date.


Yesterday I was trolling through this book with a bunch of IF questions. You know the kind I'm talking about. They range from historical - 'If you could have a date with any figure in history, who would it be?', to possibly explosive - 'If you could kill one of friends pets, which one and why?' to incredibly awkward - 'If you could change one thing about your first sexual experience, what would it be?'
It's actually a pretty entertaining book, but my personal favourite was 'If you could eat one thing for the rest of your life with no ill effects, what would it be?'
I picked nachos - because nachos are flipping awesome.
How about you?

The Beginning

So after receiving MASSIVE amounts of money, fame and babes in Lanark County for my work on blogging for my sister for the Olympics, I have decided to join the 21st century. No, I am still not buying a cell phone, but I am taking up blogging.
Why? Well, after retiring from my position at the UW Nordic News, I have found myself without a platform with which to ramble on endlessly about crap no one cares about. Also, Jenny Carleton told me I should start one, so I did.
The content will be everything you have come to expect from Kieran. Hopefully witty, possibly interesting, and without a doubt longer than you would really like.